Pretended that things aren’t the way they are, made yourself the problems, denied your true desires, needs even… acted like you shouldn’t have them; that you were at fault for being yourself.
Your body doesn’t lie, and will tell you in symptoms that get progressively louder until you listen.
The weird manifestations of illness, the tightness in your jaw, the clenched (or collapsed) pelvic floor, the burnout.
There’s no escaping the truth of what your body knows.
And yet, the truth is not always what it looks like.
By the time a narrative emerges in the mind, it’s already a translation of the body’s language. A “secondary truth” if you will, subject to the instability of trying to bridge a gap between two places that aren’t fully connected.
It could say something like, “you’ll have to burn your life down”.
Naturally, you’ll not want to go there.
When the truth could be more like, “you’ll have to stop pretending, you’ll have to change your ways”.
And when you do, the possibility remains for your life to change with you.
Relationships don’t necessarily need to fall away. Careers don’t necessarily need to be razed to the ground. Some relationships will fall away – and this is good, if they were based on the falsehood of you having to deny yourself.
But loss isn’t inevitable. Nor is hardship, or struggle, or destruction of all the good things you’ve worked hard to build.
The subconscious thinks these things because of associations with the past, and tricks us into never changing out of fear that it will repeat itself.
The one surefire way to have that happen is to not change at all, which will leave no option but for life to unfold in cyclical repeating patterns.
The very moment the pattern is broken – when you become different – the entire fractal rearranges itself.
The possibility for transcendence is real, and the root to get there is through leveraging into different attitudes, responses, behaviour.
If you’ve always chosen fear and the desire to flee, choose gratitude and the conscious decision to stay the course.
If you’ve chosen caving in, choose expansion. If pain; love.
But it begins with first getting real with how you really feel, and the self-rejection that’s got you to this place.
And then choosing to make different choices from there.
The body holds the answers to everything you’re seeking, and is calling you home like a trusted friend to the long-buried truth of your soul.
Here’s the real truth: you are the central force of your life. It’s impossible to change without your environment shifting.
A bigger question might be; are you willing to give the things you really want a chance to exist?
Or will you keep aborting them before they’re taken root, not believing in their viability?
The price of betraying yourself is not just the pain of somatic tension and mental/emotional anguish, but the stillbirth of your deepest and most authentic dreams.
For how long will this be a price that you’re willing to pay? Or is this the moment, the month, the year that you decide once and for all it’s become too expensive?
To your freedom…